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Continuing from last week’s fictional frolics of Robert Burns in present-day Oban, he carries on in his quest for romance, having just been rebuked by three of the fine Ballet West dancers. There are another 21 verses after what’s in this column, taking Rabbie to many of Oban’s famous nightspots and into some interesting encounters with many of Oban’s finest lassies, but space won’t allow their inclusion.
…So down the hill and feeling miffed
His tactics now he’d have to shift
If any hearts he were to lift
As was his plan.
To gee him up, he’d have a snift’
In Markie Dan’s.
To heal his ego’s recent scar
He’d rest a while and have a jar
Then charm the lassies with his Star
– Like winning ways.
A bonnie lassie by the bar,
She caught his gaze.
“Hello, ma lass, it’s Rabbie here
Ah’ll mak ma feelins aw sae clear
Till A’ the seas gang dry, ma dear
Ah’ll love ye weel.”
She turned and laughed with mocking sneer:
“Are you for real?”
“As flattered as I maybe am
You’ve clearly had too many drams
The seas are fine and in safe hands
And won’t ‘gang dry.’
You, see I’m an oceanography student out at SAMs
So thanks, but, ’bye!”
Yet another knock-back taken
His pride was down, his charm forsaken.
His sense of self and vigour shaken
But not for long.
Some Eeusk oysters would re-awaken
His lusty song.
So down the pier to Eeusk he went
To gorge on oysters his intent
His favoured food and well he kent
They’d work for sure
And prime with lustre heaven-sent
His man’s allure.
In Eeusk there was a busy crowd
He entered to a welcome loud
From his host, the famous Calum MacLeod
Saying: “Sorry, no seats sir.
But go next door, we’ll be very proud
To serve you pizza!”
Not knowing what on earth that was
He chose Haggis Pizza just because
The lassie serving him was braw
And ah’ sae fair
All was well until he saw
This strange affair.
“Fair fa your honest sonsie face
But fit’s been done tae you – disgrace!
A flattened ugly muckle mess
Ah’ve seen enough!”
And out the door with raging pace
In sic a huff!
…to be continued.