MacPhail – 30.1.20

Angus MacPhail.

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Continuing from last week’s fictional frolics of Robert Burns in present-day Oban, he carries on in his quest for romance, having just been rebuked by three of the fine Ballet West dancers.  There are another 21 verses after what’s in this column, taking Rabbie to many of Oban’s famous nightspots and into some interesting encounters with many of Oban’s finest lassies, but space won’t allow their inclusion.

…So down the hill and feeling miffed

His tactics now he’d have to shift

If any hearts he were to lift

As was his plan.

To gee him up, he’d have a snift’

In Markie Dan’s.

To heal his ego’s recent scar

He’d rest a while and have a jar

Then charm the lassies with his Star

– Like winning ways.

A bonnie lassie by the bar,

She caught his gaze.

“Hello, ma lass, it’s Rabbie here

Ah’ll mak ma feelins aw sae clear

Till A’ the seas gang dry, ma dear

Ah’ll love ye weel.”

She turned and laughed with mocking sneer:

“Are you for real?”

“As flattered as I maybe am

You’ve clearly had too many drams

The seas are fine and in safe hands

And won’t ‘gang dry.’

You, see I’m an oceanography student out at SAMs

So thanks, but, ’bye!”

Yet another knock-back taken

His pride was down, his charm forsaken.

His sense of self and vigour shaken

But not for long.

Some Eeusk oysters would re-awaken

His lusty song.

So down the pier to Eeusk he went

To gorge on oysters his intent

His favoured food and well he kent

They’d work for sure

And prime with lustre heaven-sent

His man’s allure.

In Eeusk there was a busy crowd

He entered to a welcome loud

From his host, the famous Calum MacLeod

Saying: “Sorry, no seats sir.

But go next door, we’ll be very proud

To serve you pizza!”

Not knowing what on earth that was

He chose Haggis Pizza just because

The lassie serving him was braw

And ah’ sae fair

All was well until he saw

This strange affair.

“Fair fa your honest sonsie face

But fit’s been done tae you – disgrace!

A flattened ugly muckle mess

Ah’ve seen enough!”

And out the door with raging pace

In sic a huff!

…to be continued.